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If you were to ask me in September to predict how my 2nd year was going to go, my prediction would be entirely different from how it actually turned out: the people I’d grow close to and apart from, the societies I’d be a part of and the events that would shape the year.
I met the year with optimism and excitement that this would be the dream year everyone talked about; I had my friends, my societies I belonged to, my year was sorted and I was ready for it. But then shortly after freshers those plans were blown up in the air and I found myself starting from scratch, something I wasn’t planning on or preparing for. And this wasn’t the only event I wasn’t prepared for this year, there were other heartbreaking and impossible events I had to deal with that little Alice had not encountered previously. At various points throughout the year I found myself wishing my biggest worry would be what to reply to a cute boy’s text but alas, fate had bigger and much more perplexing issues for me to overcome.
Just to say outright, at various points in this blog I’m going to sound quite vague but some of the things I experienced have no place online as they involve other people I care about and personal details, thank you for understanding and accordingly reading between the lines.
A society that I was loyally part of in my first year and pretty much shaped my entire first year, I found myself not a part of anymore, not by any choice of my own. Which was more heart-breaking than I ever could have predicted, I don’t think you realise how much something means to you until it’s taken away from you. And I know some may read this and think I’m being over-dramatic or attention seeking and that’s fine for you to have that opinion. But I’m the only one that experienced what I did and felt what I felt. The night I found out that I was no longer a part of this society I cried and cried and cried, I was devastated. Part of the reason why I chose Exeter University was to join this specific society and during my first few months in first year, that was the only reason why I stayed at university. It meant so much to me so then to not be in it anymore felt like, how I imagine a really bad break up to be. All the friends I'd made in that society were still part of it so I knew then that I would be continually bombarded with reminders of the rejection I had experienced, through Facebook, Instagram and posters around campus... there was no escaping it, I was still friends with these people so I didn't just want to block them all.
So that rejection happening pretty early on in the 2nd year calendar meant it very much shaped the year, and although I still haven’t fully gotten over it and it still makes me really sad if I think about it too much, I learnt to live with it. I had to keep telling myself that there must be a reason why this is happening and greater things must be along the road, I just have to be patient.
I joined other societies, found other ways to fill my time and actually made some really special friendships which I treasure deeply. So by the time Christmas came around and I found out I had been accepted onto the Disney Cultural Exchange Program (aaahhhhhbbrnirnvirnviubrugjnjnvirwepkanc), I was feeling much more like myself again.
Then term two happened and it was a really difficult term for a couple reasons that I can’t fully disclose here but it wasn’t anything I was expecting to deal with or had dealt with previously.
However, from these metamorphic events, as painful as they were, they really taught me a lot, caused my priorities to shift and consequently I have matured a lot over the year. Here are a few of the things I learnt:
Stop being the “go to” person to someone who you can’t go to.
Always tell people you love them, you never know when it’ll be the last time you do.
Prioritise people who make you feel good.
Sometimes admitting you need help is the bravest thing you can do.
Be patient enough to wait for what you deserve.
Sometimes you don’t get an explanation, but you have to learn to be ok with that. But at the end of the day, their actions speak so much louder than their words anyway.
You have nothing to prove to anyone, if some people don’t make you happy, you don’t have to keep on hanging out with them.
If something is wearing you down, it’s ok to let go, of that and all the dreams you held with it.
2nd year has been that year that no one wants but everyone needs. A year to grow, to learn and to mature. The things I went through weren’t enjoyable but they were necessary to make me a wiser person. I’m grateful for all I have learnt and the unanticipated clarity this year has given me. I have no idea what 3rd year will hold but at least I’ll be stronger going into it; “the pain I felt yesterday is the strength I feel tomorrow.”
Love, Alice xxx